Colonel Joe Bush Says...

Jokester’s Wisecracks on Iran, “Mossy the Weeper”

Arash Norouzi

The Mossadegh Project | June 15, 2015                    

Col. Joe Bush Says And now for something completely unnecessary.

Back in the 40’s and 50’s there was this humorous newspaper column called Colonel Joe Bush Says. Just a bunch of topical one-liners, with extra cheese, from a pseudonymous author who certainly wasn’t a Colonel. Think of him as a poor man’s Senator Soaper (who was no Senator).

“Col. Joe Bush” was actually veteran newspaperman Hugh W. Robertson (1889-1972), editor and vice president of Westchester County Publishers in New York.

Here’s some of his relevant Iran jokes from the “Mossy” period...

April 25, 1952

President Truman said yesterday he forced Joe Stalin to get out of Iran. That sizzling noise you hear in Moscow today is Joe’s reply as published in Pravda. Maybe Joe will now claim he forced Harry out of the White House.

July 19, 1952

We see where Premier Mohammed Mossadegh — “Mossy, the Weeper” — has got fired over in Iran. Probably ran out of tears. [Mossadegh wasn’t fired, though, he resigned]

September 2, 1952

This era in international history will go down as the period when little countries got a lot of fun snooting the big countries with a five-finger salute off the nose.

Even Mossy the Weeper of Iran tells Uncle Sam and John Bull to behave or stay in after school for a spankin’.

August 18, 1953

There’s trouble in Morocco, India, Iran, France, and lots of other places around the world. Did we worry so much about things like that back in the good ol’ days when it took three or four months to hear about ‘em? Maybe our trouble comes from knowin’ too much all at once. In other words, it’s radio’s fault.

This Shah of Iran who fled to Iraq has one lucky break. He announced today he will only have to change one letter in his old for his new address!

August 20, 1953

Ol’ Mossy the Weeper, over in Iran, on bein’ interviewed, said merely: “Oh, Shah!” [Ollie Crawford had the same basic gag two days earlier]

August 25, 1953

The Shah of Iran hardly got back on his throne before he started passin’ the hat. He’ll accept money from anybody, he says, provided it comes through fast. Evidently, Ol’ Mossy the Weeper had taking ways.

Seems to us these foreign countries have near so much trouble when they went along under their right names. But when Persia become Iran, and Mesopotamia become Iraq, and Siam changed to Thailand, and Abyssinia switched to Ethopia, and Dutch East Indies become Indonesia, why, everywhere they changed they got into hot water.

August 27, 1953

Over in Iran—Persia to you ol’ timers — they’re scrubbin’ off the “Yankee Go Home” signs on the walls. Now they want the Yankees to stay at least long enough to put a few million bucks in the Shah’s pocketbook, or else they’ll accept cash from the Commies. A country for sale—how much is offered?

February 11, 1954

No matter where you look — Europe, the Pacific, Egypt, Iran, India, Pakistan, Germany seems like every country has got a chip on its shoulder and darin’ anybody to knock it off. What this world needs is a “Era of Good Feeling”. And we don’t mean feelin’ for the other guy’s throat, either.

Iran According To Ed Sullivan (1951-1954)
Iran According To Ed Sullivan (1951-1954)


Related links:

Columnist Ollie Crawford’s “Headline Hopping” (More Corny Iran Jokes)

Satirist Henry Gay Explains the Iran / U.S. “Human Rights” Conundrum (Dec. 1977)

Author / Columnist Marquis Childs on Iran, 1951-1979

MOSSADEGH t-shirts — “If I sit silently, I have sinned”

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