IRAN SNIPPETS
More Rim Shots From the Mossadegh Era (1950’s)

Arash Norouzi
The Mossadegh Project | February 19, 2021                    


In our continuing quest to become the #1 comedy web site on the internet, here’s an assortment of gags and jabs during the oil nationalization movement in Iran. Yuk it up!




May 2, 1951

Something new happened in Iran, where they struck oil by act of Parliament.

[Oil was nationalized on April 28, 1951.]


The Boston Globe (Boston, Massachusetts)

May 4, 1951

Let the scientists hurry up with atomic energy and nobody will have to care what happens to Iran’s oil.


Editorial Points, from The Boston Globe (Boston, Massachusetts)

May 7, 1951

The Shah of Iran has authorized the nationalization of oil and the British, who have large interests there, think the idea is pretty crude.


The Herald and Review (Decatur, Illinois)

May 14, 1951

“The new premier of Iran has a habit of breaking into tears.” Overcome with poignant sorrow for the taxpayer, perhaps. Uncle Louis will doubtless note, and heave a heartfelt sigh.

[Refers to U.S. technical aid to Iran via Point Four.]


Once Over Lightly by T.D.F. (columnist Thomas D’Arcy Finn)

May 15, 1951

The bones of “three pinheaded men” who lived 75,000 years ago have been dug up in Iran. So there were “pinheads” back in those days too!

[Not necessarily a “dig” on Iranians, but maybe.]


Once Over Lightly by T.D.F. (columnist Thomas D’Arcy Finn)

May 22, 1951

THUMBNAIL EDITORIAL
Little Iran is making loud and belligerent noises at Britain and US. Could it be the vodka talking?

[Innuendo apparently implying oil nationalization was Soviet-backed or inspired, though Iran also had its own vodka industry.]


The Palm Beach Post (West Palm Beach, Florida)

May 25, 1951

Oil and politics long have had affinity for each other. Something new in Iran is the mixing of oil and religion. Demonstrating Iranians threaten a “holy war” if necessary to nationalize the country’s oil industry.


The Statesman Journal (Salem, Oregon)

May 28, 1951

NOT all Persians believe in killing the goose that lays the golden eggs.

When General Razmara, murdered predecessor of the present Premier, was asked what he thought of oil nationalisation he replied: “We couldn’t run even a cement factory by ourselves.”

[Ali Razmara, who opposed nationalization, made these remarks in a Majles session in 1950]


Column 8 by “Granny”, The Sydney Morning Herald (Australia)

June 3, 1951

The world’s next sore spot is Iran. She has the oil to pour on troubled waters, but it is doubtful if she uses it that way.


Burt Lockhart, Pittsburg Gazette (Pittsburg, Texas)

June 11, 1951

They say this Mohammed Mossadegh, Iranian prime minister, is a whirling dervish. That training ought to fit him to deal with oil and international politics.


Iffy the Dopester, The Detroit Free Press (Detroit, Michigan)

June 26, 1951

Iran now has a big oil plant, all right, and the Iranians are as well equipped to run it as the Eskimoes are to handle atomic energy.

[A major British and American talking point.]


The Boston Globe (Boston, Massachusetts)

July 1951

Our ambassador to Iran, Henry F. Grady, would like to be relieved of his duties just as soon as possible. Perhaps he feels that entirely too much oil has been poured on the troubled water.

[Grady resigned that September, at odds with his own government’s handling of the crisis.]


The Kansas City Times (Kansas City, Missouri)

July 9, 1951

Iran has proposed a stop-gap plan in the oil dispute, but more successful, perhaps, would be a stop-gabbing plan.


The Herald and Review (Decatur, Illinois) on July 9th and The Southern Illinoisan (Carbondale, Illinois) on July 16th

July 13-14, 1951

The grammarian who also reads the headlines wants to know whether Irate is the past tense of Iran.


The Old Paragrapher column as published in The Herald and Review (Decatur, Illinois) and The Southern Illinoisan (Carbondale, Illinois)

August 2, 1951

Mr. Harriman went to Iran to pour oil on the troubled waters. No better place to get the oil and the trouble.


Burt Lockhart, Pittsburg Gazette (Pittsburg, Texas)

August 16, 1951

Think the trouble in Iran is that Mossadegh is out for “oil he can get!”


Strictly Fresh, The Sewickley Herald (Sewickley, Pennsylvania)

October 1, 1951

The Iranian press blasts the United States as the villain in its oil row. You stop to watch a fight, and look what happens.


The Southern Illinoisan (Carbondale, Illinois)

October 10, 1951

MOHAMMED MOSSADEGH, Iranian Premier
New York

Dear Mohammed: YOUR oil is one of the most slippery subjects the UN has had to juggle.


Intercepted Letters, The Detroit Free Press (Detroit, Michigan)

October 12, 1951

John Peirotti (of the Post) just called. Said he had a horrible thawt: Will the troubled Middle East bring back “Good Night Iran”? . . .

[Peirotti was an editorial cartoonist with the New York Post]


Gossip of the Nation, column by Walter Winchell in The Philadelphia Inquirer

October 19, 1951

In this country a man with such prolific tear ducts as Premier Mossadegh almost inevitably would have become a great football coach.


The Globe-Gazette (Mason City, Iowa)

October 22, 1951

LAST MONTH THE IRANIANS drove the British out of Persia and now the Egyptians want to follow suit. It’s getting so that the sun can’t find a British Empire to set on.


.      .      .      .     .     .

WHEN PREMIER MOSSADEGH isn’t presenting Iran’s case in the UN, he spends his time in a New York hospital. His British acquaintances will be feebly cheered to learn that in both places he is doing as well as can be expected.

[While Mossadegh was in America]


Once Over Lightly by Robert Bendiner

October 24, 1951

ROUNDABOUT

Had a bit of cat and dog trouble a few weeks ago. Both the family pets “went west” in the one week. Now I believe we are to have the company of a Persian Kitten. An immediate name has been chosen. It is “Mossadeq”—the Persian gent who is causing the British so much bother. Don’t you think that “Mossy” sounds “oil” right.

[The phrase “went west” here means either the pets ran away or died.]


The Kiama Independent (New South Wales, Australia)

November 15, 1951

Having fanned out here, Iranian Premier Mossadegh is off for Egypt where he may sign with the Arab League.


Views on the News, The Pittsburgh Press (Pennsylvania)

December 3, 1951

Oil may be expected to pour more trouble on Mossadegh.


The Buffalo Courier-Express (Buffalo, New York)

January 5, 1952

Prime Minister Mohammed Mossadegh has been called the George Washington of Iran. In his boyhood, Mohammed may have chopped down a fig tree or maybe a eucalyptus.

[Refers to a line from the “Man of the Year” cover story on Mossadegh released that week.]


The Herald and Review (Decatur, Illinois) and The Southern Illinoisan (Carbondale, Illinois)

January 11, 1952

. . . Premier Mossadegh’s Gov’t is trying to hire a Washington press agent, but all approached to date spurned it. Sounds sinister, No?


Gossip of the Nation, column by Walter Winchell in The Philadelphia Inquirer

February 11, 1952

Doc Mossadegh has nothing to prescribe for the ills of Iran.


The Buffalo Courier-Express (Buffalo, New York)

April 26, 1952

WHAT’S YOUR QUESTION ON WORLD AFFAIRS

“What makes Iran’s Premier Mohammed Mossadegh weep and faint in public?” asks Dr. C. H.

The American doctors who recently examined him in a New York hospital found nothing wrong except abnormally low blood pressure.

Some attribute, therefore, his tears and fainting to an almost insane hatred that gets the better of him every time he thinks about the British. Others believe that he is deliberately “hamming” in order to impress his extremely excitable compatriots. It is a fact that he did not weep or faint in public while in this country.


Edgar Ansel Mowrer (General Features Corp.) syndicated column

July 25, 1952

That philosopher who wrote “Weep, and you weep alone” knew whereof he spoke. Iran’s tearful Premier Mossadegh, who has wept through many a speech, no longer has that job.


TRY and STOP ME by Bennett Cerf, syndicated humor column

August 10, 1952

Main trouble in the Middle East these days—with Iran the main example—is that most decisions now are being shaped by mob action rather than by responsible authority. . . . The result is the same as when the mobs take over in this country—with lynching bees, character assassination and the rest. . . Another thing to remember is that men like Iran’s premier are fighting to keep what they have, which means tremendous wealth for a tiny few, while the masses remain in awful poverty and ignorance. . . . A man of extreme wealth, Mossadegh is using the cry of “national sovereignty” to keep the teeming masses satisfied and to avoid noting that what they really need is “social justice.”


Excerpt from editorial: Shorter Thoughts in The Wilkes-Barre Sunday Independent (Wilkes-Barre, Pennsylvania)

September 1952

Bait for Mossadegh

Truman failed to win Mossadegh with $10,000,000, but might tempt him with a few deep freezers.

[Referencing the influence-peddling scandals surrounding Gen. Harry Vaughan, a senior Truman aide and buddy.]


The Philadelphia Bulletin

September 13, 1952

SPARKS FROM THE NEWS ANVIL by SMITH

IT has been said that much good value has been lost to the industrial and commercial world by the devaluation of a man’s work because he is a bit over the usual employment age. Well, how about 75-year-old Hjalmar Schacht, who was Hitler’s financial genius. How much of a hand he had in making a mess of Hitler I couldn’t say, but he has served his term as a war criminal and is going to Persia to help Mossadeq square accounts with Persia and the rest of the world. Some people wouldn’t employ Schacht, but Mossadeq is looking for a magician.


From a column in The Examiner (Launceston, Tasmania, Australia)

October 11, 1952

For continuous excitement Iran is as good a place as any. When the stuff runs low, Omar is a fellow who can always get hold of another jug.


Salt and Pepper by Phil Ossiler, The Fort Worth Star-Telegram (Fort Worth, Texas)

October 12, 1952

NO oil settlement in Persia yet, but Mossadegh says he’s in the best of spirits. Trouble with the best of spirits is that not a drop gets sold till it’s seven years old...


The Sunday Mirror (London, England)

January 21, 1953

PERSIA: Mussadeq says he’s sorry the oil crisis still persists: It’s safe to say no “Tehe-ran” down his face.


From “First Impressions” column in The Macleay Argus (Kemspey, Australia)

August 15, 1953

Forgeries

PERSIAN police have arrested several people in Teheran alleged to have forged more than 1,000 false passports for Moslems wishing to make the pilgrimage to Mecca.

They said the passports, which cost 10,000 rials (£42), were perfect except for the letters “P” and “R” in “passport.”


“Odd Spots From the News” column in The Newcastle Morning Herald and Miners’ Advocate (New South Wales, Australia)

August 19, 1953

PREMIER MOSSADEGH
Iran

Dear Mossy: NOW that you’ve got rid of the Shah and the Parliament, what’s left to divert public attention from those idle oil wells you seized from the British?


Intercepted Letters, The Detroit Free Press (Detroit, Michigan)

August 19, 1953

Rimes and Remnants

IRANIC, ISN’T IT?
“Phaw!” said the Shah,
“Things look quite blue,”
Jumped in his plane
And flew the coup.
ROBERT G. PECK JR.


The Chicago Daily Tribune (Chicago, Illinois)

August 22, 1953

As if the Coronation, Mt Everest and the Ashes were not enough to convince Britain that her luck had changed, here is old Doc. Mossadeq, getting his long overdue “packet” at last. He took a bit of digging out of his foxhole, and for a time it looked as though the coup had failed, especially when the Shah bolted. Now the ruler is on his way back, so that the new crowd must be firmly in the saddle. Whether the overthrow of the Persian Government will mean that the Abadan refinery is to be handed back and the British go into the Persian oil business again will unfold itself in due course. For the present it is enough to know that the unamiable doctor is being given the runaround. (Egyptian papers please copy).


Excerpt from TOPICS column in The Morning Bulletin (Queensland, Australia) by G. W.

August 30, 1953

“We need Texas to win the next world war just as much as England. Mark my words, if the British succeed in doing us out of Texas, it will be only a matter of time until we wake up some morning and find that Brooklyn also is missing. It’s a shame, but a nation has to keep everything nailed down these days.

England may get back the Anglo-Arabian Oil Co. and maybe not. [sic—Anglo-Iranian Oil Company] But in case the Shah doesn’t do so good with the Nationalists in Iran, Texas would be an ace in the hole, and the hole brimful of that lovely black gold known poetically as oil.”


Syndicated columnist Inez Robb (INS)

August 31, 1953

Mossadegh is in jail. The big problem was to get pajamas with black and white stripes.


Once Over by syndicated columnist H. I. Phillips

September 8, 1953

In the realm of world politics there is a very short distance between a political hero and a bum. Old man Mossadegh just a few days ago was one of the big wheels of the diplomatic world. Today he is just a bum in one of the Shah’s jail cells. Of course, by the same token, if his political fortunes should reverse and he should bingo he would change from a bum to a bigwig again.


High-Lights In the Headlines by J. Oliver Emmerich, a front-page column in The McComb Enterprise Journal (Mississippi). John Oliver Emmerich (1896-1978) also owned the paper.

September 21, 1953

Not done, sir

Sydney businessman Bede Reith, back from abroad, was in England when Mossadeq was arrested in the Teheran Officers’ Club.

A character in one of the London Service clubs was discussing the development.

“Couldn’t happen here,” he said tersely. “Against the rules . . . only officers allowed to sleep here.”


CONTACT by Jim MacDougall, column in The Sun (Sydney, Australia)

November 11, 1953

THE TEHERAN TRIAL
It’s nice to think that Mossadeq
Is getting it right in the peg.


From the column DAY by DAY by Arthur Richards in The Courier-Mail (Brisbane, Australia)

November 12, 1953

DR. MOSSADEGH
Deposed Premier
Teheran

Dear Mossy:

FROM pictures and news accounts of your court-martial, it’s hard to tell whether you’re on trial for treason or having a physical checkup.


Intercepted Letters, The Detroit Free Press (Detroit, Michigan)

November 13, 1953

Ex-Premier Mossadegh of Iran, the fiery gent who caused Britain and the U.S. so much misery and annoyance over oil matters, now on trial for defying the Shah and trying to overthrow the monarch, declared from the witness stand he would commit suicide if released and if convicted and sentenced to death will not appeal. The old boy seems to have bugs in his bonnet. In view of all the turmoil the belligerent old trouble-maker has created, the court might try turning him loose to see whether he would make good his word.


The Albuquerque Journal (Albuquerque, New Mexico)

August 6, 1956

Premier Mossadegh has come forth from the Iranian prison after three years, still weeping, and saying, “It is not the same Teheran, Iran.”

[What passed for humor those days.]


SPOTLIGHT by H. M. Ivey, The Ukiah Daily Journal (Ukiah, California)

August 7, 1956

After three years in jail, Iran’s Mossadegh has come to realize that oil and teardrops don’t mix.

[Yawn]


Edmund J. Kiefer in The Buffalo Courier-Express (Buffalo, New York)

July 18, 1958

Remember Mossadegh?

Publicity men may come and go as employees of pajama-clad Bernard Goldfine, but let’s give credit where credit is due: to Mohammed Mossadegh, the originator of press conferences in pajamas!

Rosemary Scott


[Goldfine was a wealthy industrialist under investigation for FTC violations]


Letter to the Editor in The St. Louis Post-Dispatch (St. Louis, Missouri)


Filling in the Gaps: How Newspaper Layouts Squeezed Every Last Inch
Filling in the Gaps: How Newspaper Layouts Squeezed Every Last Inch

Search MohammadMossadegh.com



Related links:

One Man’s Opinion: Radio/TV Personality Walter Kiernan on Iran

No Tears For Tearful Mossadeq | The Weekly Times, Sept. 2, 1953

Richard Murray’s Greatest Iran Quips | Sunday Times (Perth, Australia) column, 1951-54



MOSSADEGH t-shirts — “If I sit silently, I have sinned”

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